The decision to divorce is almost never quick, and you may spend months or even years agonizing over whether your marriage is something you want to uphold. Most couples expect their marriage to be the rest of their lives, and it often takes significant strife to change that desire.
There may come a point in your relationship where you fear there is no way to remain in it and be fulfilled. At Terry and Roberts, our Pearland divorce attorney may be able to provide insight to make your decision easier.
Grounds for Divorce
If you’re considering divorcing your spouse, it is likely you’ve heard of things like miserable husband or walk-away wife syndrome. At their core, these phenomena are often because partners feel unappreciated, unloved, or disregarded in their marriage. These feelings are often a compilation of several dynamics that can be difficult to identify, but there are several red flags that may help you understand when your marriage is beyond the point of repair.
Texas law provides seven grounds for divorce, as described in Chapter 6, subchapter A of the Texas Family Code. They are:
- Insupportability: If the marriage is no longer viable due to personality differences or conflict that does not allow you to repair the marriage
- Cruelty: If you can provide evidence that one partner treats you with cruelty
- Adultery: If you have evidence of adultery from your partner
- Conviction of a felony: The courts may grant a divorce if the spouse was convicted of a felony or has been imprisoned for at least one year without pardon
- Abandonment: If your partner left you with the intention of abandonment and has been gone for at least one year
- Living apart: If you and your spouse have been living apart for at least three years
- Psychiatric hospitalization: If your partner has been confined to a psychiatric facility for at least three years and the condition does not appear to lead to recovery
While the grounds of insupportability can work similarly to a no-fault divorce, it may be helpful to consider whether your marriage may meet other legal standards for divorce to support your decision.
Red Flags in Your Marriage
By the time you’re considering divorce, chances are, the situation is already dire. There are some major categories of red flags that encompass many behaviors, but relationships are dynamic and complicated. One behavior may not be a reason to divorce your spouse, but a pattern of similar behaviors or dysfunction deserves attention.
Poor Communication
Healthy communication is the root of almost any positive relationship. While this may often refer to the words we say, communication can be much more than that. The American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA) defines communication as the exchange of information and ideas, including gestures, behaviors, words, and expressions.
The danger in poor communication is that your partner may not be clearly expressing their needs and may often be unable to meet yours. This kind of skill deficit may be a sign that they are unable to effectively work with you to improve the marriage. Indicators of poor communication may include:
- They avoid discussing difficult topics,
- They don’t give you focused attention (stay on their phone, video games, etc),
- They are passive-aggressive in their communication and unable to clearly state what is bothering them or effectively discuss concerns you have,
Communication can be affected by a number of other social and emotional factors that are red flags, making it an excellent tool for determining if it’s time for a divorce.
Emotional Immaturity
Emotional immaturity is the source of many relationship issues and affects the way someone copes with stress, disagreement, and emotional strain in general. Some examples of an emotionally immature spouse can include:
- If you express a concern or complaint, they may respond with something like, ‘Well, I guess I’m just the worst. I’m sorry you have to deal with me.’
- They may often become defensive in conversations, unable to cope with criticism of any kind.
- They are unable to regulate or soothe themselves.
- Their insecurity and sensitivity to criticism may make them extremely needy or controlling.
Emotional immaturity may also cause your partner to shut down or become explosive when you try to discuss problems or find resolutions. You may see impulsivity in their behavior with money, games, or substances.
Weaponized Incompetence
Weaponized incompetence has become a buzzword these days when we talk about toxic partners or relationships. It occurs when a partner intentionally does something incorrectly or subpar to keep you from asking them to do it again. Examples include putting hang-dry things in the dryer and ruining them, forgetting items every time they go to the store, or asking where everything is or how to do a task like making dinner.
If you feel it is easier to do things yourself than have your spouse help, this may be weaponized incompetence. If attempts to discuss this issue are unsuccessful, it may be time to speak with Terry and Roberts.
Lack of Investment in Your Marriage
A lack of investment in your marriage can be shown in many ways. Something to consider is that poor communication may look like a lack of investment but may just be a skill deficit. In that case, your partner could be willing to work on that to save the marriage.
You may identify if your partner is no longer invested in your marriage in a few ways:
- Is your partner willing to engage in family activities?
- Will your spouse prioritize a date night or family dinner?
- Does your spouse take you seriously when you tell them you are having a hard time or need more support?
- Do you feel your spouse is taking you for granted or stopping performing their part of normal duties, expecting you to take on the load unnecessarily?
- Has your spouse stopped prioritizing emotional or physical intimacy?
- Does your spouse fail to have your back in conflict with their family members?
Red Flags in Your Emotional Experience
Your spouse’s behavior is relevant in determining whether it’s time to divorce, but what is most important is your emotional experience of the relationship. Behaviors that bother some people may not bother others. Here are some indicators that something is wrong based on your own experience.
You Feel Lonely
If your spouse communicates poorly or disrespectfully, is not engaged in your relationship, and does not hear you when you tell them what you need, you may feel lonely, even if the person is around. You may lack that feeling of grounding and connection that you once had with them and feel unable to reach out to them to get it back. Even when you are with them, you may feel alone.
You may find that even though your spouse used to be your best friend and go-to person, you no longer think of them first. If you notice this feeling and your spouse is unresponsive to your need for connection or disinterested in repairing the relationship, it may be time to divorce.
You Feel Resentful
Resentment is a protective feeling that indicates unmet needs, such as feeling unheard, dismissed, or taken advantage of. It may begin to build when you are in a relationship with someone who is emotionally immature and expects you to prioritize their needs over yours. If you notice feelings of resentment toward your spouse, it should be a red flag that something is wrong.
Some indicators that you are feeling resentful of your partner may include the experience of feelings like:
- Bitterness
- Anger
- Hostility
- Disgust
Abuse
According to the Domestic Violence Hotline, an abused spouse attempts to leave their abuser an average of seven times before they finally succeed in getting away for good. If your spouse is abusive, you are allowed to leave, although it may seem impossible and overwhelming. A compassionate divorce lawyer can connect you with resources to make it easier to take that important first step.
Abuse in a marriage is deceptively common. Many of us are familiar with the idea of physical abuse as a problem in marriages, but other forms of abuse, such as financial, emotional, or verbal, can be equally damaging. If your spouse is regularly putting you down, humiliating you, or making you feel less than, it is time to consider divorce.
If your spouse is overly controlling with finances, doesn’t allow you access to marital funds, or you must ask permission before making purchases, it is time to consider divorce. An abusive spouse will often act slowly and systematically to isolate you from friends and family and limit your resources.
At Terry & Roberts, we understand that leaving an abusive spouse can be scary and dangerous. When you choose to do so, it is critical to do it with support and legal representation whenever possible.
Call a Pearland Divorce Attorney Today
Divorce is never easy, even when it is the best call for your family. Every family has different dynamics, and no one can decide for you when it comes to determining what you can deal with and what the final straw is.
If you are exploring divorce, speaking with a divorce attorney can help you prepare and start your new life in the best possible position. Call Terry & Roberts today to speak with a family law attorney and get the support you need.