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What Is Walkaway Wife Syndrome? 3 Signs to Know

walkaway wife syndrome

Walkaway wife syndrome is becoming more common in discussions about relationships and divorce all over social media and public spaces. Women are changing their expectations for their lives and their families, and in many cases, their partners aren’t meeting them. These women then prepare to make the life they want somewhere else.  

Divorce is a devastating experience, even if it is the best choice for overall well-being or safety. Though it may seem quick to partners, it is rarely a decision that is made suddenly or without immense thought. If you are trying to navigate a divorce, our Terry & Roberts Pearland divorce attorneys may be able to help.  

Walkaway Wife Syndrome Is Multifaceted 

Relationship specialists and social scientists have been exploring the phenomenon of Walkaway Wife Syndrome for well over a decade. While the term may be newer, the relationship patterns and challenges are anything but. In an article posted by The Good Men Project, they discuss the concept of Goodwife Syndrome as the pressure many wives face to conform to gender roles and how that may contribute to walkaway wife syndrome.  

 This highlights the social expectations of what a good wife should be and the dangers it poses to an individual’s well-being. Women often sacrifice their own hobbies, interests, self-care, and mental health to support their marriages.  Additionally, the Association for Behavior and Cognitive Therapies discusses recurring themes in marital distress that may cause Walkaway Wife Syndrome, highlighting the prevalence of poor communication and poor connection.   

Exasperated Woman Cleaning. Walkaway Wife Syndrome.Women Often Feel Secondary to Their Marriages 

Most married women desire to be their own person and have time to pursue things that make them happy. Their need to feel loved and respected by those around them does not necessarily align with the more traditional expectations. Much of what society deems appropriate comes with a challenging shift to a more equitable division of physical and emotional labor.  

When you compound this with difficulty communicating and being authentic or vulnerable, finding a resolution can feel impossible, leaving both parties feeling isolated and alone in their marriage. In particular, a woman may feel unseen, unappreciated, and unheard in her bids for connection and reparation. 

In these cases, she may be more likely to adopt a ‘these boots are made for walking’ attitude and pursue a life that meets her needs. Though this decision may appear to some to come out of nowhere, it generally results from years of her attempting to connect and share many indications that she is not happy.  

Sign #1: Bids For Connection 

At the beginning of a relationship’s deterioration, a partner will make bids for connection. The Gottman Institute performed a longitudinal study following newlyweds. At the 6-year mark, those still married responded to bids for connection more than 80% of the time, while those who were divorced were closer to the 30% mark.   

Some of these bids for connection may seem small, which could be why partners may miss them as being crucial to address. They can include: 

  • Asking questions through small observations, such as, “Look at that bird,”’ provides a chance for the other partner to engage. 
  • Small requests such as, Can you refill my water when you get up?” offer a chance for the other partner to demonstrate consideration. 
  • Requesting help or providing opportunities to work together on a task can improve feelings of companionship. 
  • Requests for feedback or praise on accomplishments, such as, How did you like dinner?’” allow the other partner to connect regularly. 
  • Statements like, “Today was so long, but I still need to clean up the kitchen,” present an opportunity to provide support and show you value their experience and well-being.  
  • Inviting you to sit with them and do activities you enjoy together or different activities in the same space generates a sense of connection. 

There are many more ways a partner may ask for emotional intimacy and attention. The key is to respond to the need by engaging the partner and approaching the bid with curiosity and positive regard.   

Sign #2: Nagging 

If the relationship has established a pattern of denied bids for connection, the wife may stop making them and begin complaining or nagging instead. Instead of asking, “Hey! Will you reset the kitchen with me?” it turns into, “You never take care of the dishes and clearing counters. I always have to be the one to do it.” 

We have all heard the stereotype of the ‘nagging wife,’ but this is another attempt at re-establishing a connection in many ways. When the other person disengages, the other person will try to pursue them to gain a response. If this is unsuccessful, many people may begin feeling disgust, contempt, or resentment toward their partner, further escalating the complaints.  

Escalation may involve pointing out the failures to respond to bids by saying things like, “You don’t ever listen when we talk to you,” or “Do you even want to spend time with your family?” The wife may begin to follow up more with tasks she asks of her partner. When this happens, it is often the transition from wanting the partner to step up and losing hope of that happening.

This kind of interaction typically comes before she begins to disconnect completely.  

Sign #3: Disconnection 

Married Couple at Odds. Walkaway Wife Syndrome.Disconnection or disengagement tends to be one of the last pieces before a wife decides to leave. This may also be the stage that leads a partner to be so caught off guard when she decides to leave. When bids for connection have been denied, even when she escalates her pleas, the walkaway wife settles into her own routine.  

She may stop asking for things or caring whether the partner does them, and this is when she prepares for a divorce and decides to leave. It may be when the kids are out of the house or more independent, when she can get her affairs in order and be able to support herself, or just until she can get an attorney to draw up papers.   

Many partners who are facing divorce at the hands of a ‘walkaway wife’ report feeling blindsided. They thought things were going well, the bickering and nagging had stopped, and they had no idea things were so bad. At this point, they are often genuinely willing to do anything they can to repair their marriage, but this is usually a time of too little too late. Often, there is so much damage done that the wife doesn’t feel that the time and effort would be worth it after years of not being taken seriously or feeling heard.  

Texas Divorce Support 

Divorce can be difficult, especially if both parties are not on the same page about the decision. Texas has complex laws and requirements for filing for divorce, which are much more smoothly navigated with the help of an experienced divorce attorney. With Terry and Roberts, we will stand by you throughout your proceedings and help you fight for the best possible outcome.   

Whether navigating a divorce through your choice or your partner’s, you need dedicated representation to protect your interests. Even in the most civil of separations, it can be beneficial to have third parties assist with the terms of divorce and allocation of assets. Contact us today for a free case consultation, during which we can discuss the circumstances of your divorce and determine how to best meet your needs.  

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