The impact of divorce on your life is second only to the death of a spouse. Even if you initiated the split and are happy to be single again, there’s no denying that it takes a significant toll, requiring time to heal. It’s possible to move forward and build your new life when you emphasize self-care during divorce.
Whether your future is difficult or easy can come down to taking each obstacle step-by-step. To help you get started, here are self-care tips for healing from divorce that can help you stay calm and balanced for yourself and your family.
Divorce Can Have a Huge Impact on Your Mind and Emotions
Divorce can feel overwhelming, including splitting property, deciding custody and child support, and moving homes. While the paperwork and packing up your old life is hard work, it is also important to think about the emotional and mental effects.
According to the Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory (a stress rating scale), divorce is the second most stressful event you can go through, just behind the death of a spouse. Marital separation is number three, which shows that self-care needs to start before the divorce is even final and you are single again.
An old saying says, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” You need to take steps to find peace and stability, especially if you have children who are also dealing with the divorce. Let’s look at some helpful steps you can take.
The impact of divorce on your life is second only to the death of a spouse.
Build a Balanced Routine
It’s true you have to work and keep the lights on, but you should include blocks of time for rest, exercise, and reflection. Make a list of what’s changed in your life, both good and bad, and identify where you may now have more time available to you.
A routine that supplies time for both the practical aspects of life and your personal care gives you a sense of control. That can be especially helpful if you felt lost during the split.
Call on Your Support Team
People gather around you when you get married or have a child, but you may be surprised by how willing they are to support you when you divorce. Assistance can include childcare, home repairs and renovation, and even storing household goods until you find a place of your own. Even more help might come in the form of providing a sympathetic ear to listen to your concerns.
Family and friends are important for everyone, but an article on PsychologyToday.com found that men often struggle more emotionally after divorce than women. Men are more likely to depend only on their wife for friendship and support, while women often have larger support networks.
Even though it can feel uncomfortable, women may also need to rely on their support systems for financial help. Research from the Michigan State University Institute for Social Research found that women often face greater financial loss than men after divorce, especially Black and Hispanic women.
Men often struggle more emotionally after divorce than women.
Find a Therapist for Yourself and Your Children
If you did not start seeing a therapist before your divorce, now is a good time to start. It helps to talk with family and friends, but some problems are better for a trained professional. If you have children, the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies (ABCT) recommends finding a counselor for them so they can talk about their feelings about the changes.
Make Exercise a Priority
Exercise is incredibly important after a traumatic life event like a divorce. You could start simply by taking regular walks around your neighborhood, then escalate to running or joining a gym if you choose. The Mayo Clinic notes that physical activity boosts your mood, functions as meditation, reduces stress levels, and helps you think more clearly.
Don’t overdo it or start a dramatically different routine before checking with your doctor. If you have kids, involve them in activities like biking or sports to help them manage stress.
Stay Social
The many changes that come with divorce may make you want to stay home, but spending time with others is an important part of self-care during divorce. Ask friends if they have regular plans and join them to help take your mind off worries.
Try to avoid loneliness by going back to hobbies and interests you enjoyed before, but may have stopped during your marriage or divorce. A study in the National Library of Medicine says loneliness later in life, including after divorce, can lead to poor health for everyone.
Focus on Your Recovery from Divorce Before Starting Anything New
Your divorce is not over just because you have a final decree. The emotional and mental effects can last for years, so it is important to take things slowly. You may need to move, find a new job, arrange childcare, and handle other big life changes, so it is best not to add anything new right away. If you do not have to move or change jobs, it may help to wait until your life feels more stable.
The Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory includes events like changing jobs and changing living conditions as major stressors. This means you may be dealing with several stress factors at once, on top of the divorce itself. If possible, focus on building a calm and steady life that supports your healing.
The Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory includes events like changing jobs and changing living conditions as major stressors.
Revisit Your Financial and Estate Matters
You may feel tired of lawyers after your divorce, but it is still important to meet with someone who can help update your finances and estate plans. If you named your ex in your will, insurance, or bank accounts, you should change those as soon as possible.
Make a list of everything you shared or owned together and set aside time to finish it. Even though Texas Estates Code § 123.001 may stop an ex from getting property if you do not update your will, it is still best to create new documents to avoid confusion or legal problems.
Get Legal Help with Your Divorce
Going through a divorce can be one of the hardest times in a person’s life. The caring help of our experienced Brazoria County divorce attorneys at Terry & Roberts can help reduce stress with complex legal issues during this time. If you or a loved one has questions about divorce, contact us today to talk about your situation.